One less week

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|-= Alex's LifE Status v.0.9 =- |
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[M]o.o.d: Quite fine!
[L]i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g. [T].o: Eminem's new CD, and I have Angel stuck in my head?
[S]t.u.p.i.d [T].h.i.n.g: Nothing
[S]m.a.r.t [T].h.i.n.g: Finally getting a special haircut
[L]i.k.e.d: Seeing caroline buy her new coat today... I know she didn't want to go to downtown too much but it was good I had a chance to see her.
[D]i.s.l.i.k.e.d: Making her wait during my haircut
[G]o.o.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[B]a.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[M]: No [T]: 0
[T]o.d.a.y's [M].e.s.s.a.g.e: "All your base are belong to us"
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Today I got a really special haircut.
I feel weird now after getting it, it's kinda...weird. Anyways, my hair is short now, with gel spikes, and blond highlights! It kind of looks like a fauxhawk but more spiky and with blond hilights... I don't think it's that bad...and it's original :P I think Caro likes it more !

I played a bit of pool today with Bob, before that I went with Caro to buy her new coat from Bleu Marine, which I think looks just wonderful on her!

In other news, I've received another blackmail/threat letter from my frustrated father. Remember when I didn't want him to read my blog because it hard personal info? Well now he doesn't want me to write HIS personal info in it...how ironic...the tables have turned around. Since I believed in freedom of information, I opened my blog to everyone and stopped complaining about privacy of people reading it. So I guess he will have to learn with his privacy being open. He wanted the right to read into my life, well that means he needs to accept the right for everyone else to read into mine.

Some funny parts from his email: "I think you forget who was watching TV, I was sending out thousands of applications and practicing while you were mocking me". Actually, I was watching Power Rangers back then on TV, but we are speaking about the present. I don't remember me moking you, I remember training you to practice. But then again, you're getting old and short memories are the norm, it's not your fault.

"It's not my gf, it's my fiance, we are getting married soon, and her name is Cati" Congratulations!! Maybe this is private info again, oh well, I'm telling the world! The woman who my dad cheated with is not his GF anymore it's now his FIANCE and her name is CATI. Does anyone care??? Didn't think so!

"Even if I'm sick and tired, I've never heard anyone caring about me". Let us remind the audience that when my mother told him to lose weight he would end up yelling or beating her. Or that when I was worried that he doesn't have a job yet, he sends me blackmail. This reminds me of some evil madman killing everyone around him and complaning nobody cares. Hint in life: blackmailing or yelling at people who try to help you does not help you.

"Please don't tell people I don't have a visa anymore" Why not? It's always better to be a registered illegal alien then a non-registered one right? Oh, and if anyone from the INS is actually reading this, Hi! I'm glad to have an american government company reading my blog. What brings you here? Send me an email; oh, you can't deport him till 2007. "This isn't information that should be on the Internet"... ah..hearing this corporate slogan just made me feel to spill all the beans out...but I'm too tired. Nothing bugs me more then someone trying to halt my right to free speech. Having never signed a non-disclosure agreement, and what I'm saying not being lies or defamatory remarks, but only facts, there is nothing illegal in me saying my opinion, or telling facts. God, I really want to talk about the porn stash you used to have on your PC...I guess I'll leave that for another entry!

Oh and this is the best...a "Cease and Desist" message from my father. You know, the kinds that companies send to hacking websites in hopes of getting them to shutdown after revealing major bugs in their software. Usually these letters only create mass media attention and make the corporate company look dumb, and more people downloading the hacking information. In this case, I have been warned that if I do not modify or remove my previous entry, "all further communication with me will be interrupted". Wow, sounds almost as scary as a lawsuit. Anyways...I will delete/remove my entries over my dead body. Don't ever threaten me again??

Oh and to finalize... yes I will sleep more, as soon as school is over, there's only 2 weeks left. No, I won't miss school due to diarrhea anymore because it's over now. Oh oops, I guess I should send threatening emails to myself because I told the world I had diarrhea! Oh no! I'm going to go to jail.

In more intresting news then my father who has nothing better to do then try to threaten me, I saw National Treasure wednesday with timothy and it was really good! You should all go see it!

I'm going crazy...

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|-= Alex's LifE Status v.0.9 =- |
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[M]o.o.d: Indescribably complex
[L]i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g. [T].o: Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
[S]t.u.p.i.d [T].h.i.n.g: Everything.
[S]m.a.r.t [T].h.i.n.g: Dealing with what's going on.
[L]i.k.e.d: Finally seeing Caro Wednesday.
[D]i.s.l.i.k.e.d: What's happening to me...
[G]o.o.d [C].l.a.s.s: Gym.
[B]a.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[M]: No [T]: 0
[T]o.d.a.y's [M].e.s.s.a.g.e: "Somehow I'm neither here nor there"
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Ugh...I don't know what's up with me... I can't even describe explaining it in words... I've been having a crappy week, probably the result of the past week's stress. I'm having daily diarrhea in the morning, so I couldn't go to my two chemistry classes Tuesday and today.

I am extremly depressed... I haven't been this depressed for as long as I can remember. I feel as if my life has been a complete mistake since the first day, and that I made all the wrong choices. For example, I've now realized that I need to take 8 courses in my last JAC semesters, including 4 tough science courses... I originally wanted BIO2 and ORGANIC2 to be part of them...but now I realize that those wouldn't help me for computer science or engineering at all. I want to take CalIII or LinearII, but I'd much rather take those courses in university...and they are hard, and I really want a final mega-boost in 4th semester. I'm thinknig instead of taking Stats...the teacher is super easy and the course is pathetic. And univerisites don't care...it'll just raise my R-score... but lately I've been thinking about chaging Organic Chemistry 2 with Forensic Chemistry.... the teacher seems cool, and the class is much more fun and interesting... but still, it just feels weird, as if I'm becoming some kind of "Social science freak".

I'm also angry at myself for missing many classes these last two weeks...but I can't say it's my fault, as in voluntarily missing them. It seems everything is working against me! How can I go to class when I shit non-stop from 7AM till 9AM? I can't possibly bring a potty in the bus. It really sucks. I'm really glad that I got the best grade in the class on my math exam, and all I have to do is do good on the next phyics and chemistry (>80) and then I should have all my science grades >80%, without counting in the final. But sometimes I feel like I might just lose it at the last moment.

I feel empty as if nothing matters anymore and as if I can just throw everything in the air and start over. Thoughts like dropping out of school and just managing my own company and moving to somewhere isolated in some weird country. Then I remember how much I love/need my girlfriend...she's the only one keeping me alive right now...just thinking about her makes me get a grip on myself again...and seeing her is like a gift every day. It's too bad she has so many exams these weeks, or else I would take her out in the most wonderful places...I hope I'll be able to do that this Christmas...it's pretty rare for someone to be so in love after such a long time, but I still am, and I'm glad about it...I feel like I always have...

I have got to pick myself up together next Monday... Saturday it's Bonnie's birthday party and I'll probably go to my girlfriend's house... seeing children makes me feel better, and so will seeing caro. I guess I should be fine after that. I'm also making good progress in ReactOS, and it's one more thing keeping me focused and not completely becoming a bum.

However, I think all this might also be caused by sleep deprivation. Lately, I've slept only 4 hours a night, and that's really not enough. It's a 50% reduction in normal sleep time, and I bet it's one of the reasons making me so fucked up. It happened last semester before, so I think I just need to force myself to sleep earlier. But it's a viciious circle...I just have to find a way to break it. But it's scary. Last night I was in the bus going home, fully awake, and then i suddently felt a pain in my eye and felt myself falling down and getting immediately back up (i fell down on the window handle of the bus, which banged my eye, insantly woke me up, and made me go back to raised position). Then 3 minutes later, the same thing happens, except this time the hit is on my eyebrow. It's as if my body totally shutdowns, and only the pain of the impact wakes me up. Anyways, it's morning now and my eye still hurts...I think it was completely squished.

Let me to continue to pour even more. My dad lost his job a couple of months ago, but he still hasn't found anything new..it's almost been 6 months, and I get the feeling that all he does is stay home and watch TV. I remember how incompetent he is to get out of his chair and actualyl get a job...if it wouldn't have been for my mom when they were still married, my dad would've never went to high up. Now I don't know what his gf is doing except not having any job at all. My mom probably won't get her residency till Summer 2005, but my dad's severance package ends in March 2005...so after that w'e'll have no more money at all. My mom getting a job also seems harder now...I always thought Quebec was guarnateed, but it turns out only like 17 immigrants per year get a residency...and some places instantly refuse you if you haven't been in active practive for 5 years. And in the US nobody gave her a pre-match, so how knows. By the way, did I mention my dad doesn't have a Visa anymore so he can't even leave the US anymore, and I'm not even sure if that makes his stay there even legal.

That could be all, but that's not all. I also found out that one of my best friend's parents divorced, that they are completely broke and that her mom lost her visa. Since her dad is in another country, he wants to bring her back and her siblings so he can pay for them either. Maybe I shouldn't care so much, but this is a very good friend of mine and one of the only normal people that I've met lately...I don't have many friends, and I've lost a lot this year (because in my opinion, they werne't good friends), so it always hurts me to lose someone. It also brings painful memories of the past, when I've had other close friends leave...it also reminds me of the time I was supposed to leave, and how I felt during those times...and it finalyl reminds me of all the times that Caro almost left, and how bad I've felt. I don't even want to imagine what I would've done in that case...probably hijack the airplane and bring her back... I really couldn't afford one more person leaving my life...especially someone that I lost so much. So because my friend is leaving, I have this thought in my mind that the people I love in my life will all leave and I'll be all alone...I don't want to lose my gf to another country...and I don't want to lose one of the last few friends I still decided to keep...

In short, this has been one of the most fucked up weeks in my life.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Weekly Update

Don't worry, this isn't becoming a habit...but once again I had a horrible week filled with work.
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Wow, this has got to be the nastiest week ever…read below for my latest adventures these last days.

Monday:

Monday I went to school trauamatized by what was going to await me that night. I went to my English class late, and I didn’t have my book (Anne of Green Gables), but neither did 95% of the class, so the teacher got really mad and said bitch. Then in math it was more linear algaebra. The organic lab was fine, except I messed it up because the filter paper I used during filtration was bad. It was a dangerous lab that used bromine (it was bromination of trans-cinnamic acid => that will generate google hits!!!), and I only got a 35% yield instead of the expected 50-70%. When I got home, I started my work on the dreaded humanites paper. By 1AM, I had done 75% of it, excluding sourcing and footnotes, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided to continue doing it tomorrow.

Tuesday:

Hell got worse… by Tuesday, my mom became extremely sick and had to go to the hospital, which kind of shook me even more. Then, I realized that not only must I finish my humanities paper, but also a physics lab, the chemistry lab report, as well as read 120 pages of the English book. But that’s not all… I also had to go buy a laptop…because I hadn’t paid it for a week since the bank is continuously freezing the funds for I-don’t-know-what-reason. Because I was out of funds in my Paypal account, I had to call my boss in Denmark during dinner to ask him for a prepayment of my salary (around 25%). Then I had to go to Longeuil and pick it up…which of course meant that
I wasn’t able to go to math class, and I also had to skip humanities. I got to loneuil fine, I must say their metro/bus terminal is amazing, and extremely high tech…it’s like a giant American airpot, with all the stores and food courts. However, the bus tickers are extremely expensive, 3.25$ each, and the buses have a digital money counter so they see exactly how much you’ve put. I got the laptop, but because the boxes were to heavy, I made the mistake of leaving them in the bus stop. When I got home, I finally got back to work on my humanity paper. By 1AM, I had everything but one question left to do, and still no footnotes. It was becoming clear that I needed to act fast for tomorrow, since I not only had to hand this in, but also the other reports. I also had to go to
Anjou to exchange two power supplies, then go to the Mission and finish setting up the computers. I ended up reading the book in the bus.

Wednesday:

In the bus, I took the laptop, and I finished the last question in the humanities paper..it was now completely done, except for the foornoting and sources. The English fine went by fine, and we finished at 9:55, which gave me the chance to start doing the sources, and adding all the footnote numbers. By 10:30, I had to go to Squash Class, which was pretty short since I finished my 2 matches quickly. I was back on my paper at 11:30. I finshed all the footnoting at 1:30. Then, it was time to print out every source I used, which amounted to about 70 pages, as well as my paper. Since I hacked the library computers, I did it for free, again. I’m not going to end up paying 10$ for my teacher’s silly wishes. Then I had to highlight every passage of the report that I used. All this was done by 2, at which pointed I put my paper in the teacher’s office (she wasn’t there). By the way, this teacher is called DORIS MILLER and it’s the crazy bitch that I’ve always warned myself I’d hate. At 2:30 I took the bus in directionf or lionel-groulx, I got there at 3:30, then I took the green line to get to Honore Beaugrand. I got there at 4:00, at which point I took the bus to get to the Anjou store. I went in, exchanged the 350W PSUs with a 400W and 450W (they had made a mistake), and took a faster bus on the way back to the metro. I got there at 5:00, and now I’m in the metro writing this. However, my little adventure doesn’t end here. I also got a call from the place where I got the laptop (remember I wrote stupid mistake..) and they told me that the city of Longeuil found the boxes
I left in the bus stop like an idiot, and that not only have I completely voided my warranty, but they might also get fined. Being a nice guy, I said I’d pay any fines, if it comes to that. Woot, I’m at Berri. The rest of today’s blog will continue when I get home, after the Mission network admistratio stuff I have to do is done.

Well I’m back…the Mission stuff went by fine… everything works fine with them now…I talked with Wayne a bit about ways to cut costs and to switch to Videotron. Tonight I’m going to bed early…I’m so tired. G’nite!

Thursday

Today I didn’t go to school… my mom left to the states again…my gf woke me up at 11:30…I was sleeping cozily in her bed after having watched the new Smallville. I invited her to my house and we spent some time together. Made me feel much better after this horrible week. Then in the afternoon I fixed all the bugs that Daniel let me know about SPAMfighter. I also made a little ReactOS roadmap in my blog.

Friday

Today I lost my wallet so by the time I got to school, it was already 12:30. So I didn’t get my math exam back… I guess I’ll find out my math grade Monday! I went with Caroline downtown to buy some coats. I saw Thomas Xie and Dan, and also one of the asian girls at JAC that keeps bothering Caro about chemistry :P. Caro saw a nice coat at Bleu Marine but they were out of stock, so they are going to call her Monday/Tuesday and I’ll go get it for her and bring it when she has time.

Bob was trying to get HL2 and NFS:U 2 to work pathetically, and I was hungry, so I called Jung-Na if she wanted to cook for 3 people. Unforunately, this other azn bitch came too, and by the time she was drunk, she decided to call her boyfriend and they started making out while poor Jung-Na was banging her head all over the place. Bob was trying to calm her down but her stupid azn friend kept trying to dance with her and God knows what. When we all finally went to bed, the stupid azn girl kept making out with her boyfriend making the sickest noises. In a moment I ‘ll never forget, Bob got up and yelled SHUT THE HELL UP ITS 3AM THIS AINT UR FUCKEN HOUSE. No noises were heard after :P. Jung-Na made chocolate for us in the evening, but the azn bitch ran away with it in the morning. If I ever see that azn bitch again, I will beat her up!

Your construction
Smells of corruption
I manipulate, to recreate
This air, to ground saga
Gotta launder, my karma
I said hallelujah, to the sixteen loyal fans
You're gettin' down on your muthafuckin' knees
And it's time for your sickness again
Come on and tell me what you need now
Tell me what is making you bleed
We got two more minutes and
We gonna cut to what you need
So one of six so tell me
One do you want to live
And one of seven tell me
Is it time for your muthafuckin' ass to give
Tell me is it time to get down on your muthafuckin' knees
Tell me is it time to get down
I'm blown to the maxim
Two hemispheres battlin'
I'm blown to the maxim
Two hemispheres battlin'
Suckin' up, one last breath
Take a drag of the death
Hey Mr. Policeman
There's a time for getting away
There's a time for driving down the mother fuckin' road
And running from your ass today
Now tell me if do you agree now
Or tell me if I'm makin' you bleed
I got a few more minutes and
I'm gonna cut to what you need
So one of six so tell me
One do you want to live
And one of seven tell me
Is it time for your muthafuckin' ass to give
Tell me is it time to get down on your muthafuckin' knees
Tell me is it time to get down
Got a revolution behind my eyes
We got to get up and organize
Got a revolution behind my eyes
We got to get up and organize
Got a revolution behind my eyes
We got to get up and organize

Exams done!

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|-= Alex's LifE Status v.0.9 =- |
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[M]o.o.d: 100% Chillin
[L]i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g. [T].o: Low Fidelity All Starts - Battleflag (From the Smallville Club Zero shooting scene)
[S]t.u.p.i.d [T].h.i.n.g: Working a day too late.
[S]m.a.r.t [T].h.i.n.g: Getting all the crap done.
[L]i.k.e.d: Caro was so cute :P
[D]i.s.l.i.k.e.d: All the stress
[G]o.o.d [C].l.a.s.s: Organic.
[B]a.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[M]: Yes. [T]: 2
[T]o.d.a.y's [M].e.s.s.a.g.e: "God is my dj"
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Now that exams and projects are over for the second midterm, I'll be able to post more regularly. Sorry but I really had a shit week.

Not much news to report except for the bunch of exams I had and finally the Chemistry Module due tomorrow...I also implemented the APC patch in ReactOS and fixed KeStackAttach and Detach.

Google updated their index to 8 billion pages so I'm finding a lot more info, and I've also done tons of work in SPAMfighter and we are thise close to a final release.

I really wanna see the incredibles!