An insight into the mind of one of the most fucked up people you have the chance to know. And a place for you to hear me rant or tell you cool things (you know you want to!)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New Blog

This blog has not been updated in over a year, since I've been keeping a private blog on Xanga. I have now restarted a public blog, as well as my own homepage with various information about me, ReactOS, TinyKRNL, etc.

Please update your links:
Alex Ionescu

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Happy new Year!

Well, I've been a bit away during the vacation but here's an update on the days..

25th - Family dinner with Caroline...great food...lots of fun.
26th - Stayed home almost all day, and played Maple Story.

Oh, yes, let me tell you about Maple Story. It's this cute Korean (Free) MMORPG where you can be an Archer, Theif/Ninja, Fighter or Wizard, and well you kill monsters and level up. The thing is that most of the monsters are actually cute, so it's pretty funny. There's also really cute clothes you can wear ($$$) and the music and setting is all typical korean. It's also a side-scroller, so it has some quirky 1990ies things like monsters pushing you off, and jumping mazes.

27th - Family dinner...great food...not so fun. However, in the evening, I went with Timothy to see the Aviator. It was an excellent movie... I really loved it, so I recommend it to all of you to go see it. It was superb.

28th - Downtown with Caro. I dropped the tofu :(

29th - Ate at Caro's house.

30th - Went to airport to pick up our guests who came back from New York.

31st - New Year's Party...drank a lot (still didnt' get drunk) and slept late.

And this weekend i've just been hanging around at home.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Merry X-Mas!!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

This week was absolutely wonderful! On Wednesday, I went out with Caro all day and then we went to my house, then we went to party with Bob and Jung-Na. Just as I was telling Caro about Murphy's law (anything that can go wrong will go wrong), Bob still hadn't received his gift on time, mine was stuck in Lachine, and Jung-Na's brother had gone missing. Then, all within an hour, UPS came out of nowehere with 80% of my gift, Jung-Na found her brother, and Bob got his gift from the UK, as I was telling Caro Ionescu's Law ("and everything that went wrong usually gets fixed at the last minute"). The party was pretty cool...lots of drinks, drinking games, gambling and jokes and friends getitng together sharing gifts. I got a new wallet from Caro,a vase with plastic straw flowers, a bart simpson keychain and a cross pen!

Thursday I stayed at Jung-Na's till 2PM where we talked about all sorts of stuff...for once in her lifetime she seemed mature and grown-up and it was an interesting discussion on Bob and other parts of life. She also made up with her mom and sis which was really cool. Then I went home and slept/talked on the phone with Caro all day.

Friday Caro came to my house again in the morning to eat and then we went shopping at Sheseido for makeup, then we went to eat in Chinatown for xmas/her uncle's birthday. THe food was really good, and then we went to Bob's house. That's all for now.

Tomorrow Caro is coming over to eat! Yay!

Anyways, it's a really cool week and I'm happy to see Caro so often! MARRY XMAS!!!!!!

Monday, December 20, 2004

Grades!!!

I still haven't gotten my math and physics grades yet =(

Caro got 99 in math... as always :P

Anyways, today I was fixing some SpamFighter bugs and trying out a new DLL loading mechanism, as well as doing more signature fixes. I also wrote WSPCloseSocket for ReactOS, and I some FsRtl kernel functions. I'm almost done with the NSP Code...

We've decided our (b00bz, juny, cawo, me) party will be Wednesday...probably starting at 5PM or something. We're gonna exchange gifts and...stuff.

Anyways, now I'm running to Futureshop to buy some things (like Bob's gift :P, which I'll probably end up using too lol).

We also set up our xmas tree last night and we got new lights and it looks really really coool...today I'm cleaning up the house because we are having guests coming over the 22nd staying for 2 or 3 weeks, from Germany...old friends of our family.

That's all for now! Happy Holidays.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Alex Returns

W00T!

Finals are over, school is over, and I'm now on vacation! It's time to update this blog daily again.

Well here are my vacation plans:

- SPAMfighter Completion + Internationalization.
- Having Caro over for XMAS with my mom and other activites (skating maybe?)
- ReactOS Networking + More kernel design/implementation Issues.
- ReactOS New Source Tree Migration to SVN from CVS.
- ReactOS Debug APIs Implementation and hopefully get Olly to work.
- ReactOS New Header System

I've also been invited to Linuxworld Expo in Boston, at the .ORG Pavillion, where I will be an exhibitor for ReactOS.

I finished my x-mas shopping and I also got a free mini ipod from www.free-ipods.com but Caroline doesn't want it anymore so I'm feeling really ackward about it. Sigh.

Have a nice Holiday everyone!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

One less week

___________________________
|-= Alex's LifE Status v.0.9 =- |
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
[M]o.o.d: Quite fine!
[L]i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g. [T].o: Eminem's new CD, and I have Angel stuck in my head?
[S]t.u.p.i.d [T].h.i.n.g: Nothing
[S]m.a.r.t [T].h.i.n.g: Finally getting a special haircut
[L]i.k.e.d: Seeing caroline buy her new coat today... I know she didn't want to go to downtown too much but it was good I had a chance to see her.
[D]i.s.l.i.k.e.d: Making her wait during my haircut
[G]o.o.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[B]a.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[M]: No [T]: 0
[T]o.d.a.y's [M].e.s.s.a.g.e: "All your base are belong to us"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I got a really special haircut.
I feel weird now after getting it, it's kinda...weird. Anyways, my hair is short now, with gel spikes, and blond highlights! It kind of looks like a fauxhawk but more spiky and with blond hilights... I don't think it's that bad...and it's original :P I think Caro likes it more !

I played a bit of pool today with Bob, before that I went with Caro to buy her new coat from Bleu Marine, which I think looks just wonderful on her!

In other news, I've received another blackmail/threat letter from my frustrated father. Remember when I didn't want him to read my blog because it hard personal info? Well now he doesn't want me to write HIS personal info in it...how ironic...the tables have turned around. Since I believed in freedom of information, I opened my blog to everyone and stopped complaining about privacy of people reading it. So I guess he will have to learn with his privacy being open. He wanted the right to read into my life, well that means he needs to accept the right for everyone else to read into mine.

Some funny parts from his email: "I think you forget who was watching TV, I was sending out thousands of applications and practicing while you were mocking me". Actually, I was watching Power Rangers back then on TV, but we are speaking about the present. I don't remember me moking you, I remember training you to practice. But then again, you're getting old and short memories are the norm, it's not your fault.

"It's not my gf, it's my fiance, we are getting married soon, and her name is Cati" Congratulations!! Maybe this is private info again, oh well, I'm telling the world! The woman who my dad cheated with is not his GF anymore it's now his FIANCE and her name is CATI. Does anyone care??? Didn't think so!

"Even if I'm sick and tired, I've never heard anyone caring about me". Let us remind the audience that when my mother told him to lose weight he would end up yelling or beating her. Or that when I was worried that he doesn't have a job yet, he sends me blackmail. This reminds me of some evil madman killing everyone around him and complaning nobody cares. Hint in life: blackmailing or yelling at people who try to help you does not help you.

"Please don't tell people I don't have a visa anymore" Why not? It's always better to be a registered illegal alien then a non-registered one right? Oh, and if anyone from the INS is actually reading this, Hi! I'm glad to have an american government company reading my blog. What brings you here? Send me an email; oh, you can't deport him till 2007. "This isn't information that should be on the Internet"... ah..hearing this corporate slogan just made me feel to spill all the beans out...but I'm too tired. Nothing bugs me more then someone trying to halt my right to free speech. Having never signed a non-disclosure agreement, and what I'm saying not being lies or defamatory remarks, but only facts, there is nothing illegal in me saying my opinion, or telling facts. God, I really want to talk about the porn stash you used to have on your PC...I guess I'll leave that for another entry!

Oh and this is the best...a "Cease and Desist" message from my father. You know, the kinds that companies send to hacking websites in hopes of getting them to shutdown after revealing major bugs in their software. Usually these letters only create mass media attention and make the corporate company look dumb, and more people downloading the hacking information. In this case, I have been warned that if I do not modify or remove my previous entry, "all further communication with me will be interrupted". Wow, sounds almost as scary as a lawsuit. Anyways...I will delete/remove my entries over my dead body. Don't ever threaten me again??

Oh and to finalize... yes I will sleep more, as soon as school is over, there's only 2 weeks left. No, I won't miss school due to diarrhea anymore because it's over now. Oh oops, I guess I should send threatening emails to myself because I told the world I had diarrhea! Oh no! I'm going to go to jail.

In more intresting news then my father who has nothing better to do then try to threaten me, I saw National Treasure wednesday with timothy and it was really good! You should all go see it!




Thursday, November 25, 2004

I'm going crazy...

___________________________
|-= Alex's LifE Status v.0.9 =- |
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
[M]o.o.d: Indescribably complex
[L]i.s.t.e.n.i.n.g. [T].o: Soul Asylum - Runaway Train
[S]t.u.p.i.d [T].h.i.n.g: Everything.
[S]m.a.r.t [T].h.i.n.g: Dealing with what's going on.
[L]i.k.e.d: Finally seeing Caro Wednesday.
[D]i.s.l.i.k.e.d: What's happening to me...
[G]o.o.d [C].l.a.s.s: Gym.
[B]a.d [C].l.a.s.s: None.
[M]: No [T]: 0
[T]o.d.a.y's [M].e.s.s.a.g.e: "Somehow I'm neither here nor there"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ugh...I don't know what's up with me... I can't even describe explaining it in words... I've been having a crappy week, probably the result of the past week's stress. I'm having daily diarrhea in the morning, so I couldn't go to my two chemistry classes Tuesday and today.

I am extremly depressed... I haven't been this depressed for as long as I can remember. I feel as if my life has been a complete mistake since the first day, and that I made all the wrong choices. For example, I've now realized that I need to take 8 courses in my last JAC semesters, including 4 tough science courses... I originally wanted BIO2 and ORGANIC2 to be part of them...but now I realize that those wouldn't help me for computer science or engineering at all. I want to take CalIII or LinearII, but I'd much rather take those courses in university...and they are hard, and I really want a final mega-boost in 4th semester. I'm thinknig instead of taking Stats...the teacher is super easy and the course is pathetic. And univerisites don't care...it'll just raise my R-score... but lately I've been thinking about chaging Organic Chemistry 2 with Forensic Chemistry.... the teacher seems cool, and the class is much more fun and interesting... but still, it just feels weird, as if I'm becoming some kind of "Social science freak".

I'm also angry at myself for missing many classes these last two weeks...but I can't say it's my fault, as in voluntarily missing them. It seems everything is working against me! How can I go to class when I shit non-stop from 7AM till 9AM? I can't possibly bring a potty in the bus. It really sucks. I'm really glad that I got the best grade in the class on my math exam, and all I have to do is do good on the next phyics and chemistry (>80) and then I should have all my science grades >80%, without counting in the final. But sometimes I feel like I might just lose it at the last moment.

I feel empty as if nothing matters anymore and as if I can just throw everything in the air and start over. Thoughts like dropping out of school and just managing my own company and moving to somewhere isolated in some weird country. Then I remember how much I love/need my girlfriend...she's the only one keeping me alive right now...just thinking about her makes me get a grip on myself again...and seeing her is like a gift every day. It's too bad she has so many exams these weeks, or else I would take her out in the most wonderful places...I hope I'll be able to do that this Christmas...it's pretty rare for someone to be so in love after such a long time, but I still am, and I'm glad about it...I feel like I always have...

I have got to pick myself up together next Monday... Saturday it's Bonnie's birthday party and I'll probably go to my girlfriend's house... seeing children makes me feel better, and so will seeing caro. I guess I should be fine after that. I'm also making good progress in ReactOS, and it's one more thing keeping me focused and not completely becoming a bum.

However, I think all this might also be caused by sleep deprivation. Lately, I've slept only 4 hours a night, and that's really not enough. It's a 50% reduction in normal sleep time, and I bet it's one of the reasons making me so fucked up. It happened last semester before, so I think I just need to force myself to sleep earlier. But it's a viciious circle...I just have to find a way to break it. But it's scary. Last night I was in the bus going home, fully awake, and then i suddently felt a pain in my eye and felt myself falling down and getting immediately back up (i fell down on the window handle of the bus, which banged my eye, insantly woke me up, and made me go back to raised position). Then 3 minutes later, the same thing happens, except this time the hit is on my eyebrow. It's as if my body totally shutdowns, and only the pain of the impact wakes me up. Anyways, it's morning now and my eye still hurts...I think it was completely squished.

Let me to continue to pour even more. My dad lost his job a couple of months ago, but he still hasn't found anything new..it's almost been 6 months, and I get the feeling that all he does is stay home and watch TV. I remember how incompetent he is to get out of his chair and actualyl get a job...if it wouldn't have been for my mom when they were still married, my dad would've never went to high up. Now I don't know what his gf is doing except not having any job at all. My mom probably won't get her residency till Summer 2005, but my dad's severance package ends in March 2005...so after that w'e'll have no more money at all. My mom getting a job also seems harder now...I always thought Quebec was guarnateed, but it turns out only like 17 immigrants per year get a residency...and some places instantly refuse you if you haven't been in active practive for 5 years. And in the US nobody gave her a pre-match, so how knows. By the way, did I mention my dad doesn't have a Visa anymore so he can't even leave the US anymore, and I'm not even sure if that makes his stay there even legal.

That could be all, but that's not all. I also found out that one of my best friend's parents divorced, that they are completely broke and that her mom lost her visa. Since her dad is in another country, he wants to bring her back and her siblings so he can pay for them either. Maybe I shouldn't care so much, but this is a very good friend of mine and one of the only normal people that I've met lately...I don't have many friends, and I've lost a lot this year (because in my opinion, they werne't good friends), so it always hurts me to lose someone. It also brings painful memories of the past, when I've had other close friends leave...it also reminds me of the time I was supposed to leave, and how I felt during those times...and it finalyl reminds me of all the times that Caro almost left, and how bad I've felt. I don't even want to imagine what I would've done in that case...probably hijack the airplane and bring her back... I really couldn't afford one more person leaving my life...especially someone that I lost so much. So because my friend is leaving, I have this thought in my mind that the people I love in my life will all leave and I'll be all alone...I don't want to lose my gf to another country...and I don't want to lose one of the last few friends I still decided to keep...

In short, this has been one of the most fucked up weeks in my life.

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same